NOTE: talk of self harm
So, as I said in my post on Tuesday, I had an appointment with a CPN at the CMHT yesterday. I was dreading it so much. I`ve had so many bad experiences with the community mental health teams, that one in particular. I was so scared I was going to be fobbed off again when I know that I need help. I barely slept on Wednesday morning (I was on Nightshift so didn’t get the chance to sleep until Wednesday.
Coming up to the time of the appointment, my stomach was churning I was so nervous. This nervous feeling wasn’t helped by the distinct dentist smell within the entire building!!
Thankfully, the appointment went really well. I felt that I was really listened to. That’s definitely a new one for me! She asked a lot of clinical questions to gauge how I really was and what the level of risk was. This was somewhat exhausting because I normally struggle to be really open about how I am feeling and stuff and also because it made me dig up some things I normally leave buried.
We also came up with a plan of action going forward which includes an increase in the dose of my current medication, a recommendation of a free course she thinks would be helpful for me, homework of keeping a diary of my self harming actions to see if a pattern can be determined so we know where to put interventions in place, and finally another appointment for a fortnight to see how I am getting on. The long term could potentially see a referral to psychological services as I have already had a course of counselling with the self-harm intervention programme (SHIP) and the actions have increased.
I am wanting to try anything that could potentially help as I want to get better. I also know that it’s not going to happen overnight and will require a lot of hard work.
Until next time,
Tomorrow I have my first appointment with the community mental health team since my assessment in April. My case worker who did my assessment left the team a few days after my assessment and I wasn’t appointed another one until a fortnight ago.
Despite the fact that my gp had called them multiple times to try to get me an emergency appointment with them…
It took me gathering the courage to call them myself (which I admit I’m not that good at doing) for them to assign me someone.
So I’m seeing a cpn tomorrow afternoon. I’m bricking it. I haven’t had the best of experiences with this team and so don’t have much hope.
Especially cause I want to bring uuo that I may need my medication changed and that I have suspicions that my diagnosis might be different.
Since I last regularly blogged there has been a few major changes in my life:
I graduated uni
After 5 long difficult years at university where my mental and physical health suffered, I finally finished in April! I got a 2:1 MSci Honours degree in biochemistry, which was my target grade!
I moved back home
I had lived 20 odd miles from my parents while I was studying but with my degree coming to an end, I had to move back with my parents. Well I didn’t have to but i thought it would be better to move back and save to buy a house rather than rent somewhere.
I got a puppy
Probably the most exciting update is that I got a lurcher collie cross (though I’m pretty sure there’s a bit of Jack Russell in her) called rose. She is such an amazing dog who always makes me laugh and knows when I am struggling a little and gives me more cuddles. She’s also a reason to continue because if I don’t look after her who will!
I started working
I had worked during my placement year but other than that I had enough in savings to be lucky enough to not have to work through uni. I got a summer job last year and stayed on during my masters year. I am hoping to be kept on on a more permanent basis after this summer. It is in the town my parents live in so another reason to move back with them, especially with the somewhat antisocial hours I work!!
I am going to try to write a bit more!
I used to blog here quite a bit but I haven’t in so long.
I’m now feeling the need to put myself out there again and not hold in my thoughts or anything anymore.
I hope you will stick with me through this journey.