January Goals

I’m not going to be making any new year’s resolutions this year because let’s face it, it takes more than a page in a calendar changing for me to change.

That being said I’ve made some goals I want to achieve this month, and I’m going to work to get them!

  • Read 3 books
  • Get back to blogging
  • Set up an Etsy
  • Do corrections for unit 1 of counselling course
  • Finish a standard of my induction book for work
  • Learn all I can about my new job

I can’t wait to see what this month brings, I hope there isn’t anymore smashes (I can’t afford another new car!!).

I hope 2020 is better than 2019 was and I’m gonna try my best to get recovery to work for me. I’ve been being treated for mental illness basically my whole adult life and would like to eventually not be. That’s a long term goal and it’s not something that’s gonna be easy. But nothing worth having is easy!

Nic xx


December thoughts

This month started with a bang. Quite literally. I wrote my car off in a crash. Thankfully neither me or the occupants in the other cars were seriously injured but I did have to take a couple of weeks off work to allow my sprained wrist and ankle to heal and to allow my asthma to clear up again.

House deposit half gone to pay for a deposit for a new car and I’m mobile again!

I had been feeling more stable mentally leading up to the crash and immediately after. But since it the stress has been increasing and I’ve been feeling more and more cranky and teary. I started counselling again last week to help while I’m still waiting on my psychology referral to come about.

I am slightly annoyed with myself that I still am not recovered and that this has been going on for the best part of a year but I know that it doesn’t just get better overnight and I’m improving little by little all the time. I may not be where I want to be but it’s better than nothing!


What a fortnight I’ve had

So its only the 14th of October and already a lot has happened!

I got a new dog called Ciara who is another rescue lurcher. She’s been in kennels for her whole life basically so shes had a bit of adjusting but i think she’s doing just fine!

I also got the start date for my new job and handed in my notice. It has been a month and a half since I got my offer so I was (un)patiently waiting. In that time I had to think what I actually wanted to do workwise and if this is the job I wanted. I finally made the decision, despite others tryingto sway me. My current job has made my decision so much easier! I’m annoyed at how much I’ve put in to the company for them to just ignore me.

I still haven’t heard anything from CMHT since they cancelled my appointment 4 weeks ago! Part of me wants to wait to see how long it’ll take them to contact me but the other part knows I need the support. It’s so annoying.

I’ve been working away at my counselling diploma. I’m nearly finished module 1. I’m really enjoying it and definitely know that it is something I want to do.

I’m really excited to see what the next two weeks of the month will bring!

Nic x


October goals

September was a bit of a rollercoaster for me so I’m hoping for a better October! Here is some things I’d like to achieve:

  1. Celebrate Rose’s first birthday
  2. Make a decision about work and what I want to do
  3. Finish unit 1 of counselling course
  4. Blog more
  5. Save more towards house deposit
  6. Read at least one book
  7. Practice self care more

Im sure there’s more that might come up over the month.

Nic x


The problem with bottling things up

TW: talks of suicide

We’re always told to not bottle up how we feel. I can’t count the times I’ve said it to friends when they’re struggling to find a solution to something. Even then I operate a “do as I say not as I do” policy!! I have the biggest culprit of bottling things up I’ve ever met.

I have always put it down to being an only child. After all, if something went wrong and you didn’t want the parents to know, you didn’t have anyone to talk it over with. So that’s kind of how I approach my coping with mental illness. I don’t tell anyone until it’s too late.

Lately I’ve had a lot going on.

I took a group of girls to Portugal with Girlguiding Ulster. I thought it might be a bit challenging but overall enjoyable. Boy was I wrong. As first aider I was never off duty. It seemed every time I turned my back someone had fallen or started crying with homesickness. Then there was the trip to hospital and the constant phone calls to parents and our home contact. I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I went back to work after and joked that I needed 3 weeks off to recover from my week and a half off!

Within a week of coming home from Portugal, I had guide camp with my own guides. This was a lot less stressful, even though I was organising it. The most stressful thing was discovering a small fire when we returned to site after a few hours away and quite a lot of damage I hadn’t budgeted for. But even that turned out ok in the end.

It was my dad’s big birthday that weekend so I was planning the surprises for that in the background. I hadn’t had a break after Portugal at all.

Last week, I had a job interview on Monday morning, two nightshifts and my cars MOT and a CPN appointment scheduled for Wednesday afternoon.

This was when the proverbial hit the van. My appointment was cancelled as my CPN was off sick. Suddenly everything that I’d bottled up for the past few weeks came out. And not in a good way.

I was making real, serious plans to end my life. It was scary just how quickly I fell apart. I mainly remember sitting on my stairs after I told some friends I couldn’t go out the next day in tears. I just couldn’t face them or tell them what was going on.

I went into the living room and sat on the sofa beside Rose. Next thing I remember it was 3 hours later. I wasn’t as raw or in as much pain when I woke up from my nap. Being a lazy bitch saved me!!

I’ve still been having the odd thought now and then but they’ve not been that strong again. I was genuinely scared at how quickly it came over me and how low I got.

Now my task is to start listening to myself when I say not to bottle things up and to put steps in place that will hopefully prevent me getting to that point again.


23 Things About Me

I’ve recently re-started my blog and now have a lot of new followers who I would like to get to know me better. Since I am 23, I chose to give 23 facts about myself!

  1. I live in Northern Ireland. In a small town near the sea.
  2. I love animals and currently have 6- 3 dogs (Molly, Patch and Rose), 1 bearded dragon (Wizzie) and 2 leopard geckos (Leo and Lilo)
  3. I find something very calming about the sea and so would love to stay living in my hometown which is surrounded by sea!
  4. I love winter. Especially December. Lots of presents in December with my birthday and Christmas. 
  5. I graduated earlier this month with a MSci (Hons) degree in Biochemistry from Queen’s University Belfast
  6. Musicals are one of my favourite things ever! I have seen Wicked, Evita, Cats, Shrek the Musical, The Addams Family and more!! 
  7. I am a member of Girlguiding and have my adult leadership qualification. I am a leader with Rainbows  (4-7 years) and Guides (10-14 years). I am also a Peer Educator and trainer. I also went to Zambia last year on a GOLD project which was one of the best experiences of my life.
  8. One thing I want more than anything is to be a mummy. 
  9. I currently have lots of tattoos including a semi colon, an infinity symbol made of music and science a watercolour lotus flower and a rose with a butterfly on my thigh. Have plans for more!
  10. I have a number of piercings including my nose, belly button, 2 helix piercings and my daith
  11. I learnt to drive 5 years ago and currently drive a Volkswagen Polo that my mum got me with my inheritance from my granny and granda. 
  12. Tea is my life. I cannot function without a good number of cups a day.
  13. I  double-barrelled my surname when I was 20 to include my mums surname. I now have two surnames that nobody can spell or pronounce! 
  14. I’m tiny. I have 5 foot nothing and so have had to learn how to climb to get things. 
  15. I have been to Finland twice, once when I was a toddler to see Santa and again when I was 16 for a guide camp.
  16. I really want to go to all 4 World Centres. I have been to the one in UK and aim to go to the one in the Switzerland next. 
  17. I basically live in hoodies. Or guide uniform. Or work uniform. 
  18. I prefer showering to baths. 
  19. I still am rather superstitious about exams and have to sleep with a teddy the night before any test.
  20. I have a bucket list of things that I want to do before I die and have proudly achieved a number of them!
  21. I am terrified of snakes.
  22. I am currently saving for a house that I hope to buy within the next 3 years by myself but those plans are flexible!
  23. I have no idea what I want to do with my life but have signed up to start a counselling course in September.

I hope you all now know a little bit more about me. I would love to get to know you all a bit more as well!

Nic x

Personal, Reviews, Self-Care

Product Review: Self-Care Subscription Box

Last week I received my second Self-Care Subsciption box. The last one I got was the May Bee Slow box that had all things sloths, including a tumbler that has an absolutely wonderful sloth based pun that I genuinely use every day!!

It is a subscription box with a difference! It is run by one person (Merida) who carefully plans everything that goes into each box every month. She herself suffers from an invisible illness and came up with the idea to help others that are fighting invisible battles.

There was two choices with this months box, stay-cay or vay-cay. You could choose which theme you wanted. I chose stay-cay, mostly because I like the idea of practising self-care at home and having some lovely homely scents. I wasn’t disappointed in my selection!

Included in the box was a lavender candle which I love because lavender makes me sleepy (and when I’m working as much as I am at the minute, I need help sleeping!). It also included a lovely novel, bath bomb, body scrub, a pair of socks and a crochet starter kit! It’s more than enough to keep me busy this month!

I’m really looking forward to getting my next box (which includes STATIONARY!!!!!!!) and really recommend it to anyone! There’s also Teen’s and Children’s boxes available for those little ones in your life!

Check them out on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook.

Nic x